June 5, 2006

Exhaustion, ever-present

I went to church yesterday with shaking hands, which I think is caused by the antibiotics, because they're shaking all the time now. And I'm crying a lot. Mostly people don't notice, I think, because I'm fairly good at hiding both. I was trying to appear normal, and trying to pay attention and make sense of things through this veil of exhaustion, and praying I wouldn't have to run to the bathroom (one of the other effects of the antibiotics). And then I took communion, forgetting that one of the medications says not to take EVEN A SIP of alcohol, as the effects will be disastrous, and also forgetting that now that I'm a good Anglican communion means wine and not grape juice.

And then I went home to lay on the couch and try to sleep, and try to read.

Saturday night I worked up all of my energy to go pick up Chinese food. It's only five minutes away, but it was just about more than I could handle -- getting in the car, parking, walking in, driving home, my hands shaking again. And then I got home and found out that they had given me only string beans, instead of chicken and string beans, and I fell apart. I tried to tell them that I couldn't drive back and pick up the correct order -- I really couldn't. I'm sure they didn't understand. But eventually they sent a driver with my chicken, and had the gall to ask for their string beans back.


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